All of Me
by teej.318
Summary: A collection of Mike's thoughts about Will after the discovery of Will's "body" in season one. Mike's thoughts are interwoven with lyrics from the Evanescence song My Immortal


_I'm so tired of being here,  
__Suppressed by all my childish fears  
_I hate being here without you, Will.

Without you, I feel lost, incomplete.

I can't believe it took you disappearing before I realized how much I need you, Will. Maybe I've always known, but I haven't admitted it until now.

I need you, Will. I can't live without you.

_And if you have to leave,  
__I wish that you would just leave  
__Your presence still lingers here,  
__And it won't leave me alone_

I saw your body, Will. But I can't believe that it was you. Even though I know what you were wearing the night you disappeared.

But you can't be gone, Will. You can't be. I can still feel you nearby.

It's like you're still here with me and you won't leave me. Almost like you're a ghost, even though I don't believe you're gone. I refuse to accept you being gone, Will.

_You used to captivate me  
__By your resonating light  
__And now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

Every time I see you, Will, you always light up the room. Your smile could literally cause world peace to happen because of how good you make everyone feel when you smile, especially me.

Every time you smile, I feel my heart melt. I know I probably shouldn't say that and it's probably weird, but I don't care. You always make me feel better when you're happy Will. When you're happy, I'm happy.

And since you're not here with me, I can't be happy.

I just wish there wasn't such a hole in my life without you here, Will, but there is. I need you back so I can tell you just how much I care about you.

_Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams  
__Your voice it chased away, all of the sanity in me_

__I can't sleep, Will.

Ever since you disappeared, I haven't been able to sleep.

I see you in my dreams. You look so scared, Will, and I hate that. I wish I was with you, wherever you are, because I know you must be scared. I hate that. I should be with you so I can protect you, just like we always protect each other at school from the mouth breathers.

But it's not that I just see you in my dreams, Will. I can still hear you voice, calling my name. It's like you're begging me to come find you. And maybe you actually are calling my name, wherever you are. I can't promise how soon I'll find you, but I will find you, Will. No matter what it takes, I'm gonna find you and bring you home.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
__This pain is just too real  
__There's just too much that time cannot erase_

I lost myself when I saw your body, Will.

Even though part of me says that it's not you, another part of me is trying to convince me that it is you.

If it's true, I won't be able to live my life happily. You are my life, Will. I don't know how my life works without you in it.

I can't imagine living life without you, Will, and that's why I refuse to accept that you're gone.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
__But though you're still with me,  
__I've been alone all along_

Even though I can still feel you here, Will, it's like I know that you're gone.

But I won't accept it.

I can't accept it.

You've been part of my life for so long, Will, that I don't want to live without you in my life. I can't do that. I care too much about you.

_When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
__When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
__And I held you hand through all of these years_

Do you remember the day Lonnie left? Of course you do; you told me it was the worst day of your life.

I remember your Mom called my Mom and asked me to come over to see if I could help make you feel better.

I came over right away because I needed to help you, no matter how long it took.

I took one look at you and I felt my heart break for you, Will. You didn't deserve to have a father who would abandon you like that.

I didn't know what to do, so I just sat on your bed with you and wrapped my arms around you. When you realized it was me, you tried to hide that you were crying, but I told you that it was okay; you didn't have to hide your crying from me.

And then I just remember holding you for the longest time while you cried. I didn't know if I was helping make you feel better or not, but you seemed to be glad that I was there.

When you calmed down, I wiped the tears away from your face and smiled at you. I promised you that I would never leave you. I stand by that promise, Will. I will never, ever leave you.

Then we had a sleepover. You wouldn't let me sleep in my sleeping bag because you didn't want to sleep alone. We fell asleep holding hands, just like we always did when we were little.

I love holding your hand, Will. It's something that I will always love. I can't wait to hold your hand again. I may never let go.

_But you still have all of me_

They found you, Will. And you're alive. I can't believe it. You're alive!

I never gave up on you, but a part of me couldn't help but worry I would never see you again. And then Jonathan came into the waiting room to tell us you were awake.

When I saw you on the hospital bed, my heart melted just like it does every time I see you smile. And then you smiled and that's when I knew. I love you, Will. I love you with all of my heart.

I'm never gonna let anything bad happen to you again if I can help it. I'm gonna fight to keep you safe and to make sure you're happy. I promise you, Will.

I will always be by your side. I will always be there to take care of you. I will always be there to hold your hand or give you a hug or just hold you tightly when you wake up from your bad dreams. I promise, Will.

I love you so much, Will Byers.

You will always have all of me, Will.


End file.
